


Hey dude, you wanna get married?

by AWildLopunny



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward proposal, Kenny McCormick - Freeform, Kyle Broflovski - Freeform, Kyle sucks at smash, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 21:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13257330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWildLopunny/pseuds/AWildLopunny
Summary: One of Kyle's best friends just proposed to him out of the blue and now he's trying to decided if he's okay with it. Who proposes to someone before they even ask them out... or even say they like them? Apparently Kenny fucking McCormick does!





	Hey dude, you wanna get married?

**Author's Note:**

> This was just supposed to be a short one shot but I just kept going and here we are now...

“Hey dude, you wanna get married?” 

Kyle froze, dropping his controller in the process. All time around him seemed to have stopped, not even allowing him to notice when Ness got kicked off the stage until Kyle heard the game character's cries of pain.

Fucking Jigglypuff. This was the last time he played super smash bros with Kenny.

“Um... what?” Kyle had meant to sound more offended, but it ended up coming out shaky and unsure. Kyle glanced at Kenny, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, drinking a coke and totally not like he had just proposed to his friend. Kyle was just about ready to throw the blonde boy out of his room. He exhaled a calming breath to relax himself. This was Kenny! The seventeen year old has had photos of naked girls plastered all over his room since he was ten. Obviously Kyle had misheard or Kenny was just fucking with him to win at smash bros. 

“So, is that a no then?” Kenny asked, kicking Kyle's unmoving Ness off the stage again. Kenny glanced at Kyle, with blue eyes that held all the seriousness of a man that just proposed. Kyle's heart thumped wildly.

Well so much for that theory! Screw calming breaths, Kyle felt like he was going to hyperventilate! Noticing just how much Kenny was using Kyle's surprise to his advantage, he grabbed his controller off the ground, managing to save poor Ness from being kicked off for a third time.

“It's more of a 'where the fuck did that come from?'” Kyle said in a deadpanned voice, trying not to sound like Kenny was affecting him as much as he was. He took a second to glance over at Kenny, who apparently was glancing at him at the same time. His cheeks were slightly pink, staring only for a second before returning to the TV in front of him and using his Jigglypuff to put Ness to sleep. Kyle glanced back to the TV to see Ness get smacked across the stage. He muttered a quiet “Fucking Jigglypuff” under his breath. 

“Don't be mad at the pink puffball just cuz you suck at smash.” Kenny rolled his eyes, leaning back against the pillow behind him, poking his toes at Kyle's back and grinning when he froze again. “Its not a no then?” His grin widened as his toes managed to find their way under Kyle's shirt.

Kyle gasped, nearly falling off the bed. He turned around, grabbing Kenny's foot before it could go any further. “What are you doing?!”

Kenny started laughing, apparently finding Kyle's anger hilarious. “Well, I'm trying to get an answer.” His blue eyes glanced back at the TV, his attention returning to Jigglypuff. “Also that hammer that just spawned”

Kyle's eyes narrowed, not letting go of Kenny's foot, as if holding the blonde's foot hostage would get him to talk any clearer. The only thing it seemed to do was distract Kyle long enough for Kenny to smack Ness off the stage with his hammer. When Kenny didn't seem to elaborate on anything, Kyle sighed. “So, like I asked before, where did this come from?”

Kenny looked Kyle in the eyes, stopping mid way from kicking Ness off the stage again. “Is that a yes then?” The blonde asked, a half smirk appearing on his face. 

Kyle groaned in frustration, dropping Kenny's foot. “Its not an answer at all. Its a 'please tell me why you're asking out of the blue like this and maybe I'll give you an answer.'” Kyle noted that Kenny's smirk disappeared from his face. The blonde gave a long sigh, before taking a couple of seconds to return to the game, kicking Ness off the stage again. Kyle grimaced, reaching over and grabbing Kenny's controller out of his hands. “Asshole.”

“What can I say? I go after what I want” Kenny gave him a heated look and Kyle couldn't tell if Kenny was talking about the game or not. Kyle turned to pause the game, trying to give himself a few seconds to get his face to stop blushing. After putting both controllers down, Kyle turned to face Kenny, trying to position himself far enough away so that the blonde couldn't assault him with his toes again. The two boys stared at each other for what felt like eons before Kenny sighed, sitting up. “Plus, I was just thinking you'd be a really cute wife.”

Kyle looked at him, his face turning red hot. “W-Wait, what?” 

Kenny looked away, his cheeks going from pink to a bright red. “You don't have to make a big deal of it.” The confidence in his voice was wavering. 

“Don't make a big deal of it? Kenny, one of my best friends, who I thought was straight, just proposed to me and the only explanation I'm getting is that I'd be a cute wife apparently”

Suddenly, Kenny was on his hands and knees, crawling towards Kyle. Kyle tried to back away but the blonde quickly grabbed hold of his hand, pulling him closer until the red head was almost on his lap. 

“First of all,” Kenny began, “I'm bi, I just don't advertise it, ya know? If my parents found out, they might kick me out for all I know” He gripped Kyle's hand a bit tighter, bringing it to his chest. Kyle opened his mouth, then closed it again, unsure of what to say.

With a chuckle, Kenny continued. “Sorry about not telling ya. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal... until... I realized that you were pretty cute.”

Kyle's mouth went dry. What on earth was happening? “So,” he paused, trying to find the right words. “You're saying you... like me?”

“Yes.” Kenny said instantly, his blue eyes wild and intense. “For a couple years now. I remember one summer you went away to camp. I spent those months moping around, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. When you came back, I realized that I was falling head over heels for you. Like, mega hard. It got worse when we had gym class together and I saw you bend over in those shorts. I think I fell in love with you at that point”

Kyle just stared into blue eyes, trying to make his heart beat slow down. In all honesty, Kyle couldn't say he didn't think of Kenny in that way. Kenny was an attractive guy; who wouldn't be into Kenny! He didn't know the blonde was into guys, but he couldn't necessarily blame him. Hell, Kyle wasn't even out of the closet yet. He'd rather not have to deal with Eric fucking Cartman throwing homophobic slurs at him. He actually admired Kenny for being so forward when he didn't even know if Kyle was into guys as well.

So... Kenny liked Kyle... and Kyle liked Kenny. All should be right in the world.

Kyle just had one problem with all this. 

“Kenny... is this a love confession? You seriously started off a love confession with a marriage proposal?” 

Dear lord... Kyle wasn't sure if this whole conversation was going to end up with a relationship starting between them or Kyle resorting to strangling Kenny out of frustration. 

Kenny shrugged. “Um... Yeah. I don't see what the big deal is. I've known you since kindergarten. That's longer than most couples that get married even know each other. I mean, fuck dude, I remember beating the crap out of some little shits when we were kids when they were trying to pull your hair. How many actual couples have history like that?”

For emphasis, Kenny ruffled Kyle's red curls, chuckling when he saw a pout on his red headed friend. “I could'a taken them...” Kyle muttered.

“Ya didn't have to though dude! That's what I'm here for!” Kenny grinned, bringing Kyle's hand up to his lips and kissing the red head's fingers very lightly. “Even back then, before I knew what sex was, I knew that I needed to protect the cute little red head who was too smart for his own good! It was fucking instinct!” 

“Was there actually a time when you didn't know about sex? I can't remember when you didn't have pictures of boobs and porn all over your room” Kyle laughed, taking the hand that wasn't held by Kenny and poking him in the chest. To be fair, that probably wasn't the part of Kenny's speech he should be reacting too. He did remember that day when the older boys grabbed his lunch away from him and then started to tug at his mass of red curls. He remembered their cackles and taunts as they watched him try to release the grip on his hair which only resulted in him crying. He remembered the cackles and tugs at his hair suddenly stopping, looking over to see a small blonde boy in an orange parka knocking over one of the older boys. Fists flew back and forth until the older boys ran off, cursing loudly. Kyle remembered those big blue eyes turning to him and that lopsided grin. His hero in an orange parka. 

“You think I'm actually going to leave my gay porn for my parents to find? Nah man, that shit is hidden. You can look next time your over if you don't believe me” Kenny winked at Kyle, hopping off the bed, still holding Kyle's hand. Kenny knelt down on one knee, looking up at the red head with a toothy smile. “So, whaddya say baby? Wanna get hitched to this poor, but hopelessly in love with you, boy.”

Kyle stared, long and hard. Kenny was serious.

He was fucking serious.

Kenny continued. “I've wanted to ask you out for forever dude. I can't count the times I was gonna do it but chickened out.”

Kyle swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. This was really happening! “So... you were too nervous to ask me out... so you decided to propose?”

“Well... yeah!” Kenny grinned. Kyle swore to god he was going to murder this boy!

“Kenny that makes no sense!”

“Ky, it makes perfect sense! Like I told ya before, we got history! History other couples only dream of. I stayed awake all last night thinking about our life together and how amazing it would be! We might as well cut out the middle man and just take the plunge!”

Kyle groaned in frustration, the blush still staining his face. “Kenny... yes, we have history. But the hole in your thought process is where you said 'couple'. We're not a couple. Couples get married after they've been together for a while. Before your random ass proposal, I didn't even know you liked guys! Hell, you don't even know if I do! How do you know I would even say yes to a date, let alone say yes to marrying you! Kenny why would you think tha--”

“Because you didn't say no.”

Kyle eyes widened, shocked at the sudden interruption from Kenny. 

“When I first asked, you didn't just laugh it off thinking I was joking. You didn't tell me no immediately and call me an idiot. If you didn't think of me, at least a little more than just a friend, you would've said no. Am I wrong Ky? Do you think of me as more than just a friend?”

Kyle exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He met the stare of those bright blue eyes and felt a fondness growing in his heart. Despite how ludicrous this all was, he couldn't bring himself to lie to this insane blonde boy. 

“Yeah, I really like you, okay?” 

Kenny's smile was the brightest thing Kyle has ever seen. The blonde gripped his hand with both hands now. Kyle's heart was beating wildly. He was afraid at refusing Kenny anything and seeing him lose that glorious smile. This was dangerous. Kyle needed to do something before he was agreeing to walk down the aisle at seventeen years old! His mom would probably kill him...

Scratch the probably. She would absolutely kill him.

Right after killing Kenny.

The insane part was that he could see Kenny's thought process. It's true; they did have history. Not exactly romantic history, but a history that had countless moments of supporting and protecting each other, probably more than was typically normal for just friends. They've always been close.

Just like a couple. 

“Kenny... I don't really know what to say” Kyle tried to look away from Kenny. He really tried! But those blue eyes, shiny with hope, love and happiness were sucking him in.

Dear lord, he wanted to say yes!

What the actual hell?!

“Say yes Kyle. Say yes and make me the happiest man alive. We don't need to date. Even if we never went out, we've known each other since we were practically babies. Say yes and I'll --”

Kyle freed his hand from Kenny's, grabbing the shoulders of the orange parka. He moved himself off the bed so he was face to face with Kenny. Kyle then quickly kissed the blonde, cutting off his speech entirely. He kissed him so deeply, putting all of his emotions and all of his confusion into it. Kenny, this crazy boy that always wore an orange parka and had always been there for Kyle, was insane enough to forgo any sort of normal wooing or courtship and decided to start a tirade of words of why Kyle should be his 'cute wife'. He was insane enough to actually propose to a boy who he didn't even know was gay. Insane enough to come up with an explanation that he felt justified his actions. Insane enough to actually be convincing enough for Kyle to want to say yes... 

Kyle pulled away, noticing that Kenny was trying to follow his lips to keep the kiss going. He only managed to get a peck in before Kyle placed a finger on his lips to keep him still.

“You're crazy, you know that?” Kyle said with all the fondness noticeable in his voice.

“Crazy for you” Kenny breathed, gently giving his finger a quick kiss. Kyle rolled his eyes and grinned.

“How long were you waiting to use that line?”

“Longer than you know” Kenny chuckled, eyes focused on Kyle. If Kyle didn't know any better, he'd say Kenny was drunk. Maybe just drunk off love? 

God... now who was the one with the dumb lines?

“So... is that a--” 

“Dammit Kenny...” Kyle sighed. Kyle was tempted... he was so fucking tempted to say yes. For whatever reason, Kyle wanted nothing but to give Kenny everything he wanted. Kenny, the little boy who would protect him from bullies... and the man who looked at him longingly, wanting to spend his life with him.

Kyle sighed, leaning in to kiss Kenny's reddened cheek, whispering into his ear. “You're making it very difficult for me to say no”

“Say yes then... please” Kenny whispered in a breathy voice. “I know this is crazy... but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it last night. No matter what I did, I kept thinking of coming home to you, kissing your smiling face. I thought about how we could could try and get custody of Karen from my asshole parents and be a family. You'd be a great parent dude. I can picture it so clearly... us all together. Wouldn't matter what place we got, it'd be home”

“Kenny...” Kyle said fondly. Kyle could see it. He could see that future Kenny envisioned for them.

“...If you don't want to, I'd understand y'know” Kenny bit his bottom lip, losing nerve. “Shit... this really was crazy stupid idea wasn't it?” 

Kyle gave Kenny a small peck on the lips. “Crazy yes... stupid... no” Kyle gave a small laugh. “You're the only person in this world who could that convince that getting married at seventeen could actually be a good idea”

“So then you'll--”

“Kenny I can't.” Kyle said softly, his heart clenching painful when he saw those blue eyes grow dark. “Hold on though... I'm not saying no forever. Just for now”

“What do you mean?” Kenny looked at him curiously, leaning closer to him so their lips almost touched. 

“I can't get married while I'm still in high school Kenny. As much as I would love to be impulsive and elope with you, I can't do it. But, what I can say is, that I really do like you. A lot. I don't know for how long... maybe even way back when you saved me from bullies. But I kept quiet, because in my wildest dreams I never thought you'd actually like me... much less propose to me”

“Ky...”

“So I'm not saying no... I'm saying yes... but after high school. Is that okay? I still want to be with you Kenny. I want the same future you do. But if we just get married, I feel like we'd eventually regret not dating beforehand. Being a couple and being friends are two different kinds of relationship. I want to get to know boyfriend Kenny before jumping to husband Kenny”

Kenny's face was full on red. Kyle could feel him shaking. “Damn you and your logic. I should've known that brain of yours would foil my plan” Kenny gave a ruffle to Kyle's curls. “Yeah... its okay. Hell, its more than okay. Just promise me one thing...”

“Whats that?”

“You said after highscool you'd want to get married. So, after graduation day, if what you said was true, I want to run off with you and elope. Just you and me. After that, we can find a place close to any university you want. I'll work and we can bring Karen to live with us. Until then, I will happily be 'boyfriend Kenny'. Will you promise me that Kyle?”

Kyle looked thoughtfully at Kenny. He was agreeing to give his future to Kenny. For Kenny to be the only one in his life. Til death do they part...

Kyle smiled... he was strangely really fucking okay with that.

 

“I do.”

Kenny grinned brightly, giving Kyle a deep kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This was veeeeeeeeery self indulgent. I haven't written very much in years but I went through a break up recently and needed something to take my mind of it.
> 
> I spent probably longer than I should've trying to think what character Kenny and Kyle would use for smash bros.


End file.
